Viewing entries in
Audio Podcast

Ball Busters Ep 01 - Rosemary Lube

Comment

Ball Busters Ep 01 - Rosemary Lube


The Ball Busters talks about america's top edible sex toy manufacturer Doc Johnson Enterprises.

Show Notes

America's Top Manufacturer of Edible Sex Toys. (http://bit.ly/2EMBICu)


Who wants Rosemary Lube?
— Ball Busters
View/hide transcript (2,214 words)
Episode 01 - "Rosemary Lube"
Rosa: Hey, welcome to Titty Talk. This is the new Ball Busters. My name is Rosa and we have the lovely

Candice: Candice

Rosa: Hey!

Candice: Why do we call it Ball Busters? Where did that come from?

Rosa: Because we’re busting balls.

Candice: Aren’t the guys’ called Tig Ol’ Bitties? I don't know. I feel like that's that's biased. Are we busting balls? I guess we are. I am into misogyny or not misogyny, misandry, correction. I'm trying to start my own Church of Misandry. So it fits.

Rosa: Oh! Okay.

Candice: I mean it started out as a joke, but now I feel like I really want to do it because the world is fucked up. So why not?

Rosa: All right. So our first Laughter

Rosa: ... busting balls is with Doc Johnson. So they're a very famous sex toy company.

Candice: Yeah

Rosa: and, made here in the US, in California. And they have an array of different flavors of lube. So we just watched a documentary, a mini doc.

Candice: Yeah where they were talking about their different flavorful sex... accoutrements? Accessories? I don't know.

Rosa: Yeah

Candice: Because he was like there was one thing that's called Body Icing and I don't really understand the point about that. So it's not lotion its icing and...

Rosa: it's the shit to buy pretty much. There's no purpose.

Candice: Yeah, because they had icing, they had spray, they had mist. I mean it was a little much.

Rosa: Yeah. So none of these you’re actually really using in real life or for sexual pleasure at that

Candice: Exactly it’s not

Rosa: like I'm gonna spray you with spray but it supposedly tastes good.

Candice: Supposedly.

Rosa: Supposedly. I'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt and say that it smells good.

Candice: Yeah, I'm gonna say it probably smells good.

Rosa: I believe that the smells are accurate to the scent. So they have everything from bacon, what was it? Bacon

Candice: They had bacon, they have Cinnabon.

Rosa: Cinnabon. I remember that one because that one sounds good.

Candice: We also saw rosemary and that's really some white shit right there. Who the hell

Rosa: [Laughter] Wants rosemary lube? Tell me!

Candice: Not me. Not me.

Rosa: Rosemary lube?!

Candice: About as much as I want cumin lube and that is 0%.

Rosa: Exactly. Thank you.

Candice: Yeah. It makes no sense. I don't know why. Who? Well considering the guy they had in there, their scientist, the Doc Johnson flavor scientist is a fucking creep.

Rosa: He's definitely a fucking creep. Let's call him out. Okay, ‘cause you can work in the sex industry and still be a fucking creep.

Candice: Exactly. If you guys check out the video you'll see his many creepy things that he said to the woman who was conducting the interview. Way too many jokes about taking it from behind and all of his masturbation jokes

Rosa: Him jerking off

Candice: and how he has a bigger right arm bicep, it was a little much. A little much. And he kind of looked like uh, Peter Griffin, old man.

Rosa: [Laughter]

Candice: So it was even more creepy.

Rosa: Yeah, definitely

Candice: And I think shorty was lying about the flavors because she said she liked everything. She was like “Oh, it's really good! It's good!”

Rosa: So the host Kimberly Kane, she also has her own line of sex toys with them. So of course she's a bit biased. She has to say something good

Candice: Is she a porn star?

Rosa: ... or everything good.

Candice: What does she do? Why did she have lines?

Rosa: I'm assuming that she's a porn star

Candice: Probably

Rosa: Kimberly Kane because she has her own line with them.

Candice: I'm already underwhelmed. She's like the Brie Larson of porn stars. I don't, I don't know why she’s here.

Rosa: Whaaa? Both: [Laughter]

Candice: She doesn’t look like I want to watch her in a porn but whatever. So yeah, so she has her own line of sex toys and they brought her in to I guess try out...

Rosa: I guess just to show her the factory I guess and the show everybody the factory

Candice: And she made her own lube too.

Rosa: But what's funny about this American, family-owned business is that when they actually take you into the factory it's all little old Mexican women. Painting the penis pink

Candice: Oh yeah!

Rosa: Painting the lips of the vagina pink and all of these old Mexican ladies who are probably Catholic

Candice: [Laughter]

Rosa: ... and go to church every Sunday.

Candice: Painting the dicks

Rosa: And make sure their you know, their grandchildren get Communion and all of this and they work in a sex factory.

Candice: In Doc Johnson's factory.

Rosa: Yeah. Could you imagine? Like my abuela works

Candice: [Laughter]

Rosa: at Doc Johnson. [Laughter]

Candice: What do you do all day? I paint vaginas.

Rosa: I paint vaginas.

Candice: I paint the labia and clitoris and we use specific colors for each.

Rosa: I mold the penises.

Candice: Yeah, I mold about 300 penises a day.

Rosa: Yeah, like it just sounds crazy. But I mean a living is a living.

Candice: Yeah work is work. I just think it's interesting. They're like, oh “Made in America, made in America”. Shout out to all your immigrant fucking workers!

Rosa: Exactly.

Candice: We saw them! They were all women! They were all definitely over 40. And

Rosa: And definitely from South of the Border.

Candice: Definitely from South of the Border. So, you know.

Rosa: All right. Well, Doc Johnson. Mhm.

Candice: employing elderly ladies

Rosa: [Laughter]

Candice: To make dildos. I still call bullshit. I feel like it probably, like when she tasted the, like right now the video is showing him spraying that shit on her arm. I don't know if that was the bacon one. But I think it probably tastes like the flavor like cupcake and cancer. Like there's an underlying

Rosa: Yes! Yes!

Candice: ... kind of bullshit going on.

Rosa: So I've had unfortunately, I've tasted these like, um, scented or you know edible lubes.

Candice: Yes I’ve tried a bunch too.

Rosa: and it always has that bitter aftertaste

Candice: Yeah!

Rosa: or like just some weird chemical “Don't eat this” taste

Candice: [Laughter]

Rosa: ... after, that's not good.

Candice: Like yeah. This is definitely an artificial whatever-the-fuck flavor it was supposed to be and it's never good. And the aftertaste always last for a minute.

Rosa: Yes!

Candice: then you have to eat something else

Rosa: Exactly. And the first lick is “Okay this is definitely cotton candy...” Oooh this is definitely, as you said, cancer.

Candice: Cancer!

Rosa: Cancer! That’s the right word. Candice has the right word, cancer.

Candice: It is! Everybody's getting cancer

Rosa: Do not eat this.

Candice: Everybody knows somebody who got cancer at this point and it's because cancer is just like increasing. And I don't think it helps us to ingest unknown chemicals at every possible minute.

Rosa: Right! Like is this food grade? Like is this tested by the FDA? Like how do we know?

Candice: I would hopefully presume that it's safe. But I feel like if we're gonna go... Like at this point, isn't Doc Johnson kind of like the deals of the dollar store sex toys? Like they have the cheapest sex toys.

Rosa: Yeah

Candice: They made the worst.

Rosa: Yeah

Candice: And no shade to the immigrant workers working there ‘cause they're making the the dildo molds. But like their vibrators and stuff? They're not really the best. I mean

Rosa: I don't... I mean I'm sure I've had one of their penises. I mean, HAHA, I'm sure I've had one of their vibrators at one point because I've had so many vibrators

Candice: and it's like five dollars or something.

Rosa: Yeah, I probably brought a cheap vibrator and... But I've learned and I’ve stepped it up. But I guess you know.

Candice: That's what I mean. I feel like ‘cause they said they're making like those vagina holes, like those sex holes that guys fuck or whatever he was like “Collect all three!” like they’re Pokémon.

Rosa: [LAUGHTER] He sure did.

Candice: I’m just like wondering like how? I was intrigued. How many do they make? How many do they sell per month? How many of those things do they move? I mean do people really need to replenish their sex toys like that? What about you? I mean do you, do you go through dildos at a fast pace?

Rosa: I've had. I've had.

Candice: What makes you, what is the

Rosa: But you know what though? Because I was buying cheap shit.

Candice: Oh, ok

Rosa: I think I told you guys about the one that I burned accidentally.

Candice: [Laughter] Oh was the vibrator

Rosa: Yeah, but it wasn’t my fault. Yeah, like the battery pack. It was like a whole thing. It was cheap. I don't even know where I got that from.

Candice: I've burned out a vibrator too. It wasn't cheap but I think, well, I think that's just sort of like the life cycle of some of these

Rosa: Yeah

Candice: motors is that you're bound to run it out maybe in six months or a year or two years depending on how good the motor is to start with.

Rosa: Right. So I feel like

Candice: Which is why you start spending more money.

Rosa: Yeah! You know, you grow, you get some experience. You get a little money and you're like, oh! This could be a lot better just like with anything else in life. Including your vibrators.

Candice: Exactly. And then you buy something like a Lelo or like some of these

Rosa: Yes!

Candice: vibrators that cost a couple hundred dollars but they last for a good minute because I mean

Rosa: And they do the job!

Candice: Right! And there's nothing worse than like trying to get going and then like your shit dies.

Rosa: Oh my gosh, like the scene in Insecure

Candice: It’s so frustrating

Rosa: that has been my life!

Candice: [Laughter]

Rosa: My life! Like oh my gosh why

Candice: It’s so upsetting

Rosa: In the middle of

Candice: and you get pissed off right? Like you're fucking angry!

Rosa: Angry!

Candice: Go to a punching bag and I gotta go hit it because then I'm just like pissed ‘cause there's nothing you can do because it's always at an odd hour so you can't

Rosa: Well I've got up and gone to the bodega at like 2:00 in the morning

Candice: [Laughter]

Rosa: and was like “I need some fucking AAA batteries”. “Oh, we don't have AAA.” And then I had to walk to Rite Aid!

Candice: You know what happened to me from one of my last ones? Where I was just like I need one in a pinch and I got a cheap one. But they have like, it was rechargeable.

Rosa: Uh huh

Candice: But it had like one of these rechargeable cords that is very obscure. Like you're not going to just get it anywhere

Rosa: Ugh

Candice: So when it fucking broke

Rosa: That was it

Candice: I was up Shit Creek. No and just gotta order a new one and I was mad

Rosa: Yeah

Candice: For like two days.

Rosa: Alright, so, you know. The moral of the story is... I dunno if I love Doc Johnson

Candice: The moral of the story is that Kimberly Kane is a fucking liar.

Rosa: [Laughter]

Candice: Kimberly Kane tell the truth! Tell the truth! Because she didn’t even say what she liked better. She made her own lube which she said was peachy peppermint. Which bitch what?

Rosa: Yeah exactly. And but, BUT! She also said I don't think this is good for anal sex and then she

Candice: [Laughter] And then she performed anal sex for the testing, on the sex toys!

Rosa: And then her, she, they... The creepy scientist made a special flavor specifically FOR her which was the Cool Ranch Dorito, like who the fuck wants that?!

Candice: [Laughter]

Rosa: Cool Ranch Doritos? And at the end she said the flavor is accurate. She didn't say it tastes good. She said the flavor Both hosts: is ACCURATE!

Candice: I think if we, like when you show the clip of her face, that was her trying to suppress the eww

Rosa: Yeah

Candice: And the gross. Because I guess she was trying to be professional. Maybe they were paying her to tell lies. Um because she wasn’t honest. I don't believe her.

Rosa: But if you’re new to sex toys, I mean maybe try ‘em out if it's cheap. So, you know what's bad. And then eventually you can step it up. Um, yeah, but that's Doc Johnson products for you.

Candice: Yeah, don't don't expect much. You know

Rosa: you get what you pay for

Candice: You get what you fucking pay for!

Rosa: you get what you pay for

Candice: I say avoid the edible sex toys altogether because they're always a letdown always always always. You'll spend money and it'll be gross and then you'll spend 20 minutes trying to get the aftertaste out your mouth.

Rosa: Mhm. Mhm!

Candice: It’s gonna kill the vibe and it might be sticky and it might make your skin break out!

Rosa: Yeah

Candice: What is it there!? What are the chemicals? What’s going on?

Rosa: Who wants a yeast infection because you were trying to get funky with it?

Candice: Or hives all over your arms because you weren't prepared?

Rosa: All right. So next time just use coconut oil.

Candice: [Laughter]

Rosa: And your fingers! There you go, au naturale.

Candice: Au naturale! Organic. Do not use rosemary flavor

Rosa: [Laughter]

Candice: Please. Alright so thank you all for listening to this Ball Buster section of Titty Talk

Rosa: With Candice and myself Rosa. And don't forget to check us out on Instagram, Titty Talk Show

Candice: [Laughter]

Rosa: ... and Facebook. We love breasts.

Candice: Yes. We do love breasts and follow us on all the stuff. Follow us on all of the podcasts we have

Rosa: And Youtube!

Candice: Youtube yeah. Hit us up.

Comment